Home Remedies and Maintenance: Cleaning Patent Leather

Recently I caved and bought myself a nice pair of black shoes. I’d been wearing a supportless, second-hand pair for about as long as I could stand, so I decided I really wanted to invest in something nice. Now one of my pet peeves about people who claim to be into fashion is that they just pay a lot of money to look like everyone else— it kills me. I’ll try to side step that soapbox, but in doing so explain that I decided that I would get a pair of Lanvin flats.  Still Lanvin flats are like a rich man’s TOMS. All the same style in every heinous variety of color and fabric you wish you couldn’t think of. Still, no one can deny that they are quality shoes. So in light of my penchant for a bit of crossdress and the overwhelming number of interviews lying in store for my immediate future I chose these:


If you would like to know how they make me feel, just click the picture. Anyway, so I brought them home and was showing them off to my Mimi when she laid down a peace of country-fied wisdom. We were talking about leather and patent leather, and she said “Now, you know that the best way to clean patent leather is with a biscuit?”

No Mimi, I decidedly did not know that. What on earth are you talking about? A biscuit? Like those rocks you get from Hardees? The answer is yes.


Another reason to go to Chik-fil-a? Just what I needed!

But for real. Apparently the unique pre-butter biscuit grease is what really makes that patent leather shine… I really have no other explanation as to why it works, it just… does (it’s like that time I put a bar of soap at the bottom of my bed). You break a biscuit open and rub the inside on your surface than follow up with a dry washcloth or something. Would you ever have guessed? Hoping you are having a great holiday season and manage to get more lounging than cleaning in.


1/6 of the law degree done… has anyone seen my soul?

 If you’re interested in these beauties, you can get the 2013 version on sale at Net-a-Porter here, although my ribbons are slightly different.